I won't be a stock character in the play of life

I won't be a stock character in the play of life

I am developing a growing interest in the weekly Sunday column of Janice Kennedy in the Ottawa Citizen. I happened upon her article this past weekend titled A religious life, as Jesus knew, is a life of peace It speaks to a regularly heard theme; How does someone reconcile celebrating Christ, the Prince of Peace, during this holiest of times, while simultaneously calling for war in distant lands? She picks on the usual punching bag, George Bush, in this regard.

Digging a little deeper, I found her column I won't be a stock character in the play of life of the previous week to be equally interesting. There is a certain freshness and appeal about someone who, while making clear her liberal and feminist take on issues, also knows that perspective, when not acknowledged, can cloud how she sees others.

The world is not black and white, left and right, anti or pro. It is a mosaic. When engaging in discourse, whether in the broadest of spheres, or, one on one, it is so important to know where you are standing in the forest. Are those with whom you are speaking standing in the hot sun or are those trees offering shade? Maybe they like it hot, but, then again, maybe not. Perhaps that is why they are squirming, or, impatient.

I always need to remind myself to listen, really listen, to what the other person is saying. I need to listen intently not only to the words, but, more importantly, to the context of those words. They have a reason for saying what they do. If I develop an appreciation of the reason, the meaning of the words becomes much clearer. Part of communication is coming to an understanding of those reasons through open discourse. It is perhaps an overused quote since being popularized again by Al Gore, but, it is worth repeating:

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on him not understanding it. ~Upton Sinclair

People are willing to risk communicating more openly when they feel respected. They usually are more receptive to allowing their ideas to be challenged when they feel safe as a person. Perhaps this is what has happened in the break down of communication that has been making news recently in the brittle discourse between the Federal Finance Minister and the Provincial Government of Ontario. They have stopped respecting each other, and subsequently, they have stopped listening. Each vainly attempts to score points, while they learn little if anything from each other.

I remember several years ago catching the last few minutes of a documentary being aired on TVO. A rich baritone voice was speaking about aspirations of people the world over, as a panoramic view of a variety of communities, rich and poor, third world and first world, unfolded.

"All anyone wants", the voice intoned, "when you look around you, is a safe place to raise their children, a place where they know that parents can age with dignity and grace. That is really all any of us really wants, wherever we are, whatever our station in life."

And isn't that so true? Once you strip away all of the extraneous trappings of life that our hyper-consumer driven society encourages us to seek, what we really want is a safe place to call home for our family. What we incessantly debate are the finer details of how to make it happen.

This is why, in the midst of all the discord we may see around us, it is so important that we find ways to discover what brings us together, as opposed to what separates us. Disagree with the ideas, but offer respect to those whom you disagree with.

Yes, I admit it, I think the ideas of the Harper Conservative government are heading us in the wrong direction. I think that they will reduce the opportunity for everyone to have a safe place to call home. I think they will increase disparity, not reduce it and their approach perpetuates the rich getting richer at the expense of the poor. In my view, they are too attached to the concept of ever expanding economic growth that as if by magic will allow all of this "wealth" to ultimately trickle down to those less fortunate.

Alternatively, I believe that we have reached our "Limits to Growth" on a planetary scale. Encouragement of over consumption has just about squeezed that trickling spigot shut. We are seeing this now as we witness climate change, environmental degradation and dwindling access to life-sustaining resources such as food, water and arable land.

Should I then, stop listening to them? Should I write them off as unhelpful participants in community dialog? As tempting as that can feel sometimes, (and so does pulling the covers over head in the morning when I hear the wind whistling outside), I ultimately view such an approach as counter productive. This is when I need to challenge myself to listen, while respectfully dissecting those ideas with which I do not agree.

I seek to understand how they arrived at their conclusions, while simultaneously sharing my perspective. I want us to find our common ground. The best way for me to do that is to be part of encouraging dialog. I also readily admit that I am often not up to the task. However, when we continue to shout at each other disrespectfully, nothing changes. We go to our chosen corners, pointing fingers at each other while we plan our next move to win the argument. In the meantime, the planet, the home we all seek to share, is lost.